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For years, practically my entire life, I have been puzzling to understand why some gay men are attracted to me. Recently, I came to a new awareness about gay men, which leads me to a controversial conclusion, I have only this venue, really to share:



1) Women in general, have become too stereotypically masculine, (i.e. wearing pants too much, working too hard, striving to match the stereotypical masculine ideal, as worshiped by most of the world;)



2) Gay men who identify as "bottoms" on the other hand, strive to reach the feminine ideal, (i.e. completely submissive, fragile, emotional, tolerant of infidelity, etc...)



I always meant to be accepting of diversity; then I discovered gay men turn me on: my favorite sexual encounters invole two men and me, and I REFUSE to lie just to please heterosexual men and say I want to be with a man and another woman - I DON'T.



As for why gay men return my attraction for them? I'm still figuring that out, because I'm very feminine: large breasts, curvy, prefer to take a submissive role, often a damsel in distress...

I still don't like this world and I hate everything.

Of course I update Internet Explorer and download Google Chrome to my house computer the first time I get on...

My sister made a comment yesterday which implied we get what we get in life, based on the choices we make every day. While to some extent that is true and I agree with it, I also disagree. Some people are born less fortunate and are mistreated/victimized as a result, and that has nothing to do with taking personal responsibility for the choices you make; that's about chance/receiving the short end of the stick.

Now, whenever I feel sad, I just remind myself I received an email from THE Jane Siberry, and then it really "CAN'T rain all the time."

I couldn't get to sleep last night, thinking about a man. Woke up hating the world, looking forward to my death, which then turned into a plan to start busking by the Metro - which scares me and makes me think of Mary Lou Lord. Then I got sick and puked in my trash can...